Hey,
It’s selfish, I know, that I’m more worried for me than for you…how to act, what to do, what to say, how to help. Yet you’re the one suffering.
I must admit I don’t fully understand what’s going on. I mean, you’ve explained it, but it still seems surreal. Supernatural is not my forte I guess.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer all your life through things that aren’t your fault. I’m sorry that nobody understands. I’m sorry that you have to be strong when you just want someone else to carry you. I’m sorry that you want things so much but they just aren’t happening.
I’m sorry you always have to go through this….uncovering skeletons in the closet, one by one, and having to deal with them, alone, one by one. It must be so exhausting. And the recurrence must be so devastating.
Above all, I’m sorry I’m tired.
I’m sorry I’m tired of listening to it all, I’m sorry I’m tired of carrying it all in my head. I’m sorry I’m getting tired of praying, I’m sorry I’m getting tired of being the one you turn to. I’m sorry I’m tired of defending you to my family when explanations will never make sense and they will never understand.
I’m sorry I am thinking of me.
I won’t be tired anymore. Because you would do so much for me if I was in your shoes.
I will defend you to my family still. Even if they say bad things about you and don’t understand.
I will pray for you still. Because God is able and you always pray for me.
I will do my best to help you still. Even though the whole world seems to have conspired against you and it’s making it all an uphill task.
I will be strong for you.
You can count on me.
I love you.
Always,
Me.
I saw this here and decided to give it a try. Who knows if my sixteen-year-old self would have listened to these wise words anyway? But oh well, here goes:
1. It’s never that serious. Really. The snide comments from those silly girls in your class, the fact that you are intelligent (hence snobbish and freaky, according to everyone else) and that you know so many things that people wonder if you have a life, the silly boys who don’t notice you, your older sister who seems prettier than you, the loner that you are…all of it is just you. And stop frowning! Bask in your awesomeness!
2. It’ll all be over soon. School, low self-esteem, the insecurity. It will end. Really.
3. Forgive your mother. You don’t have to understand it, just forgive her. It will make life easier for you.
4. That horrible man your mother married will leave, as in he will go and never come back. Trust me! (I have to insist and emphasize because she was, and still is, very stubborn). Don’t listen to him, don’t let him cut you down. Listen to your Heavenly Father. He loves you, He sees it all and He understands.
5. Look out for your little brother. You are the one who most understands him and he’s gonna need you. It doesn’t matter that your mum pampers him to no end, he still doesn’t and can’t talk to her. But he can talk to you. So just be there. Pay attention to him. Watch out for him.
6. Pay more attention to your family. Through it all, they’ve got your back. And they love you unconditionally.
7. Don’t settle. You don’t have to be “in” or “cool”. Just be yourself. It’s cliche but really, just be you.
8. Avoid that light-skinned guy you will meet in campus. Don’t say hi, don’t say yes, don’t say anything. You’ll regret much of what happens afterward.
9. Make lots of friends. They bring laughter, fun and craziness into your life. And you need to get away from the seriousness of life now and then.
10. Love God with all your heart. Never stray. Never leave. He is your only constant.
11. Your sister loves you, despite what you think. And she needs you in her life. So tell her about yours. Don’t sever those delicate sisterhood ties. They are so precious.
12. Boys and relationships are overrated. You’ll never get it right so quit trying. Just let life happen. Above all, just trust in God. He sees the bigger picture and the patterns of your life. Just let Him handle it.
13. Be the best you can be. Don’t shy away from leadership positions, situations where you can excel, from using your talents. Life is too short! And remember: to whom much is given, much is required.
14. Enjoy having that slim body despite those remarks. They’re all just jealous and trying to put you down. You’ll see.
15. Your best friend will always be there for you. What a lucky girl you are!
There we were, the four of us…two guys and two girls.
In a room, unaware of anything out of the ordinary happening or being planned somewhere by Someone.
There we were, catching up on who has done what, who got what job and who was trying to make her notice him. It was ordinary. We laughed and mocked and ate and sang and just had fun.
Then we decided to part and go home. And it was decided we should pray first.
So there we were, holding hands and beginning to pray. And He came. His presence filled the room and we were overcome.
We cried and fell and laughed and worshiped. We heard from Him and spoke and delighted in his presence. We sang and we were silent; basking in his glory and awesome peace.
We prayed and He spoke to us. We heard His words, spoken to Us.
Just four friends in a room. No trumpets we played, no spotless lives we led, no extra prayers we said that day. In fact, you could say we were four messed up people with truckloads of issues who met that day to unwind and unburden ourselves to each other.
But God decided to come down and let us delight in his presence.
And no words can describe the experience.
It was like being in a desert and not hoping for rain then all at once there is the most beautiful refreshing shower falling on your face, drenching your body with the delightful coolness and drenching your thirst.
It was inexplicable. And it was perfect.
And I am awed.
*SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!*
Excitement!!
I think I may be getting a promotion. Of sorts.
OK, doing what I love as opposed to what I’m tolerating.
I am really so excited.
Last week I thought I had gotten a new place to live and was just as excited as I am now but it fell through and so did I.
Am I afraid this will fall through too? Yes.
Is it going to hinder me from enjoying and savoring this hopeful feeling I have right now, and my various imaginings in my new post? Hell no!
I know the fall may hurt but I’m gonna enjoy this floating-in-the-clouds feeling and not worry that it’s too good to be true.
PS: I have always wanted to use that title so if it doesn’t make sense too bad. What matters is how cool it sounds, right? Right?
OK, so I met a guy and he asked me out. I wasn’t so keen but I thought things couldn’t be worse after the guy-who-had-a-girlfriend-and-was-hitting-on-me. So I went on the date and the guy didn’t really impress me. So I decided to let it go.
Problem is, Guy is really interested (or was). I gave him the cold shoulder. Then found out that he maybe has someone serious in his life.
So what am I, a side dish?
And that happened to me earlier this year. Not again, I think.
So I gave him the icy shoulder too. Problem is, I don’t have proof. And that’s the story of the apology I don’t know how to give.
On other news,
Am I pregnant?
No, it’s not what you’re thinking….it’s just that I have the weirdest cravings sometimes.
Right now: crisps. Any flavor (except cheese and onion, yuck)
And ice cream. That one is a constant craving.
It doesn’t help that I’m fasting. And chewing gum (which is making me hungrier).
Oh well.
